A girl's big love...
Well, I know what y'all might be thinking! No, it's not about someone specifically (even though we are currently on the 14th day of February, whatever that might mean to some people). It's rather about "something" important, that I realized I can't live without: martial arts!
So, today allow me to reminisce a bit. Here's the never-ending love story of my life!
I do recall many times during my childhood that I was thinking "oh, how I'd love to be doing something like karate" or "wow, those girls in the movies can really kick ass"! Well, yeah, that's how it started for most of us, right? But I never got the chance to attend any courses, to my big disappointment, but my parents' big relief, apparently! That's when the uni karate dojo came in the picture. It was my very first chance to fulfill one of my big childhood dreams and to be able to test my limits and see what I can accomplish in the field.
As I mentioned in a previous post, going to the dojo always made me feel beyond happy: I felt that I found a place where I belonged, I was surrounded by people with the same interest and passion, I was feeling friendship and experiencing companionship on a whole new level. Don't get me wrong, there was nothing wrong with my existing relationships, but sharing everyday moments with more people with the same mindset as you, truly is a big deal and creates lifelong relationships (as it's proved so many years later!). I was feeling "in love" with everything including karate, the people, the dojo, the seminars and, of course, karate itself. It felt indeed as if I found my calling, I was good at it, I was succeeding in my goals and I was enjoying every single bit of learning.
That's why, having to move back to my hometown and changing my keiko routine, felt at that moment as painful as a heartbreak. I felt that I was breaking up with a big love of mine and I honestly tried my best to keep it alive for as long as possible. But once I was permanently gone, it didn't feel the same going back on an irregular basis. I did my best, though, to keep up by myself and survive as a karateka without a dojo to turn to. It made me realize how much I needed the feeling of belonging to a dojo and how much I was attached to it that in the end I was feeling not ready or even afraid to try and survive on my own. I don't know if that was a bad thing, in the long term, since I realized what I need to actually keep my karate alive: the willpower to train my kata, even if it's all by myself most of the times. Because karate, at that point of my apprenticeship, shouldn't be attached to just being in the dojo. It should be already engraved in my body and my mind.
After many different approaches, I finally managed to find (some) balance: I was driving to keiko twice per week, I could still attend seminars, and for the rest I was training on my rooftop (long live Greek, flat rooftops!). I didn't feel anymore as if the relationship was dying nor that it was struggling. I accepted that I moved to a different phase in my life (the "adult" worker) and so had my karate. But it was still there, alive!
Fast forward some years later: when I decided to study in Belgium, the first thing that I looked for, after I got accepted in the uni, was....a dojo! (EDIT: if you are still not convinced about the lengths I went through to prove my love, keep on reading!!!!). I didn't find karate dojo, apart from the university one, which I joined of course! But what I found, and I was actually looking for, was iaido. So, I arrived in Leuven 3rd of September, slept two days with my suitcases intact, and 5th of September I showed up (after like one hour of travel) at the front door of my new dojo. My excitement was visible and I managed to keep a good habit of going, back in the day, at least once a week to the dojo (which was in another city, let's not forget). But, as it happens with me when I get overexcited, reality strikes uninvited and I realized I had gone abroad for a reason and I had to focus. So, there I am, after many months of forging myself into a new and exciting world, with a whole new dojo atmosphere, I forced myself to sacrifice my keiko for the sake of my studies (once again). A decision which was necessary (or at least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself for, up to this day!!!).
A couple of years later, after a succesful master diploma, the start of a new carreer and even a surgery (!), I find myself feeling so regretful for stopping iaido and once again feelings of heartbreak and guilt are flushing back. Until that one day when, thanks to a Facebook post (!!) and a comment of an iaido friend, I took the huge decision of starting again. And the rest is history...for another post!
After that day, I never looked back, I only looked forward, I cherish every moment in my dojo, I enjoy once again the companionship and friendships that I created through a martial art, and I miss them terribly during these challeging times. But even though I might sometimes feel helpless against the situation, I know that my fellow iaidoka and kendoka, my dojo friends, are going through the same and we try to reach out to each other to offer support whenever possible. Our dai ni dojo might be virtual, but it's strong and gives us a nice push to walk forward! They are true nakama and I am more than happy to call them my friends.
For me, martial arts are not just a sport. They cultivated my character while I was growing up, they helped me face difficult situations and they always gave me a good push to step forward, when I felt that I failed. It's that one thing that I can't just call "hobby". To me, martial arts are a way of life. Budo is a way of life.
If that's not love, I don't know what is!
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