A girl's way forward...
So, it seems that I have been neglecting to put my thoughts down on black and white. There's only one explanation for this: dojos are open, keiko is going strong and this girl has barely time to think, because she's only doing.
I do feel that writing was a way to express myself, when everything had been frozen in time. The keyboard became my iaito and writing became my weekly routine that kept me sane and motivated to re-join keiko 100% when everything would re-open. It worked wonders, I must say!
A friend pointed out how much she could relate with my posts and my journey, even if a little bit. It made me realize that writing shouldn't stop now that we're out and about, the same way doing suburi hadn't stopped either when dojo was closed. But her words made me think that there are always people out there doing their best, going forward, or even sometimes having to stop temporarily and give themselves a break. But if we all find ways to pull and push each other, find this support throughout our journey, eventually we will always move forward together. So, here I am. It's a big decision, I must say, but I feel writing down some words here and there, will help my brain to dump out all the thoughts that have been accumulating for years and possibly make some space for new ones!
So, I think I will need a new way to do my brain dump series. I was inclined to continue writing down my "budo memoirs", if they even resemble something like that, but that was back when I actually missed so much my daily routine and keiko that I needed the memories to keep this fire alive. The desire to hold my shinai, to go to keiko, to see my friends, had to be kept alive, in order for me to return to them with the same energy. Once the dojo reopened, I was flying up high from happiness that I could dive back in to my usual training. Then, the need to keep these memoirs going, started to fade, which -in retrospect- is normal. But...! What didn't change and, in fact, grew, is myself and my experiences. All this motivation and love for my dojo, made me grew in very fast tempo. Not technically, but mentally. Ok, a little bit technically of course!!!
Let me elaborate: all this time that I couldn't attend keiko, I have been following youtube videos, posts, vlogs, I have been discussing budo matters with friends, heck I have even read and analyzed things by myself. I never felt so eager to keep growing, since we were all taking things for granted before the Covid-19 pandemic. When I realized how much time we might need to spend indoors or, at least, not in our dojo, my heart broke. I felt that everything had been taken from me (all of us) and I needed to compensate for the time lost. Little did I know that all this effort I made actually took my physical training, once able to rejoin, so many steps ahead. Everything I researched, read, discussed, came as a wave of knowledge, ready to be unlocked, and only facilitated the regular keiko that I have been following.
I honestly feel that I should be somehow grateful to all this time I couldn't spend inside my dojo, because it gave me the time to learn how to learn. I got so many opportunities to learn from other people, from all over the world, I read, and I grew mentally threefold as much as I would have, if I would just be going to keiko, waving sometimes my shinai, doing just one more kata, but not mentally challenging myself and enriching my mental library.
In retrospect, I am grateful for the time I didn't spend in my dojo, doing more suburi, because it showed me how much I truly love my martial arts, how grateful I should be for still being physically able to practise it, how many more different aspects there are than just showing up for keiko. I learned how to take it seriously and I strongly believe that this is the true meaning of budo. The years will eventually take a toll on our bodies, we won't be able to move as fast and fluently as we are today. But all the knowledge that you can get about what you are doing is irreplaceable. So get out there and educate yourselves about your budo, understand what it means for you, discuss with peers, and don't just think you need to only surpass physical challenges. You won't regret it!
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